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2012 Brazilian Grand Prix – Mystery Science Theater F1


The beast of the decade, 2012. The most exciting season of the last five years was chock full of things to remember; none of which I do because I didn’t watch that season. Like I said, I used to be on and off with F1 for a while, but… well, what’s the point of these classic episodes if not to make up for lost time? The Brazilian Grand Prix was the last race of the season, and the title was down to the wire. Sebastian Vettel led Fernando Alonso by 13 points, and there were all kinds of circumstances where one or the other could win, which we don’t really care about now, because we all know how it went. But forget that for awhile, so the episode seems more exciting. The starting grid was Hamilton, Webber, Vettel, Massa, Hulkenberg, Alonso, Raikkonen, Rosberg, and Paul di Resta. Uhh… Fora Temer… (Martin Brundle): -but actually, what we’re going to be talking about a LOT in this ra- is- in this race is the- temperature of this tarmac. (MB): It was 55˚ centigrade- He said centigrade, drink! *Why?* (Because he always says centigrade when he means Celsius, which are not the same thing.) (Rob Smedley): I am, I’m- I’m really superstitious. (RS): I think me and the Brazilian are the most superstitious people on the grid. Superstitious my ASS, walking under ladders is serious business down here! (Hino Nacional Brasiliero in G major plays) Did they get this anthem in MIDI out of Napster in 1999? (David Croft): Today’s DRS zone takes you down to “Deskida” do Lago- DeSCIda. De-SCI-da, (annoyed Portuguese) olha o dígrafo porra! I’m sure you’re MOOOOORE than glad to be leaving, though. I think it should be VERY troubling when you’re a full second behind the other backmarkers. Ohh my God, have these digital ads been around for THIS long? (MB):-Raikkonen, I think it was, warming his tyres up. He definitely does know what he’s doing. Keep this statement in mind, it’ll come into play later on. The tension mounts up to an almost unbearable amount as the 2012 Brazilian Grand Prix is GO, and Massa jumps everybody to second place, because that’s the only thing he’s good at, while Sebastian Vettel drops back massively coming out of the Senna “S”. They streak down the back straight, and into the lake drop, Kimi Raikkonen locks up and drives wide to avoid a collision while- *It’s quiet. Too quiet* Bruno, you absoLUTE FUCKING DIPSHIT!!!!!!!!! *sigh* He also took out Perez, just to drive home how glad I AM THAT HE’S GONE!!! (Crofty): -Paul di Resta, challenging Sebastian Vettel now, as we ride on board, down the “Retroposta”- RETA… OPOSTA, but I’m gonna forgive this one because you’re talking more words than you could possibly handle right now. What a FUCKING season that I decided to miss, eh? (Guillaume Rocquelin): Sebastian, there’s visible damage, but stay out to see whether the car behaves. (Rocky): We cannot fix it, it’s not front wing, we cannot fix damage. You couldn’t make this stuff believable in a movie! Get out of my face, get out, get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!!!! Look at this cheeky little bastard taking it up to the Red Bull. We should be seeing him in a Ferrari in NO time. *I see him doing well at Le Mans* We’ve barely just begun and you’re already binning the title, fuuuuuucking hell. (Monotone) Oh no, Grosjean seems to have slipped a little bit. All this has happened within a tenth of the race distance, not even 10 minutes in, and I already need a BREAK. Somebody botched their nosejob. The unstoppable cockmeister is already back in contention. The rain forces the samurai to slice through the corner. I don’t know, something tells me these tyres aren’t quite optimal for the current conditions. *Wrong color?* And this is how Ricciardo got his Red Bull seat. What are track limits for, am I right? Olé! Backmarker battles? It’s as if I’m watching [insert current season here!] The Marussia drives off to take a little Pic outside the track. (Crofty): And there goes Sebastian Vettel, great traction out of “Joon shao”

(MB): -and the traction. JUNÇÃO, HOW HARD CAN IT BE? IT’S NOT LIKE IT’S CHINESE! And there they go out again! These cars can’t stay Glocked to the track! (Crofty): -through the uh, right hander at “Laraña-” *sigh* I give up. *LAH-run-ZHEE-nuh for anyone wondering* (shocked) Mr. Newey, during work hours?You should be ashamed of yourself! GodDAMN, this guy has world champion written all over him! *An LMP1 title looks very promising* Not even the past is making his life easier. *Sigh of relief* (relaxed) I’ll finally get some rest. See you in a little bit. *My phone died while I was on Shazam, but this sounds cool* (Look up Mallsoft Plus – 420 on Google, the artist deleted the original from his SoundCloud) And we’re back to continue the biggest thriller since Michael Jackson walked into a recording studio. Guess who I stole that from. *Captain Disillusion?* (It was Crofty, but if you know the episode where CD said that please tell me.) (MB): -and he goes past Alonso! The Sauber is through! (Crofty): One more Leeroy Jenkins moment from Kamui Kob(e)yashi- Who needs erectile dysfunction when you have David Croft? Stupid car, stop trying to kill Paul di Resta! Kimi, you sneaky bastard, did you think I wouldn’t see that? And yet again! How can you let a machine attempt such a MURDEROUS rampage on an innocent man? I can imagine Chris having multiple heart attacks and SQUIRMING on the floor watching this. Webber sliding in Brazil usually doesn’t end well, but this time he came out fine. (Crofty): And now, onto uh, “Laraña-” and “Pineriño”. Great to have some corner names. It would be even better if you could actually speak them. *PIN-yey-REEN-yo*
*Crofty forgot the “yey”* Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you DON’T build a motorsport lineage for your country. *Artem Markelov is pretty okay, you know* (Sirotkin tbh, but who would know that in 2010?) Thriller, thriller, chicken dinner, our young hotshot is a leader no more. (Crofty): Charles Pic now moves up into 12th place, which is good news if you’re a Marussia fan. That expression had no meaning before 2014. Remember when I told you to “hold that thought” back in the beginning? Now I want you to look at this, remember all the relevant information about this driver, analyze it, crosscheck it, elaborate on it, take it to dinner, make it some coffee, come to a conclusion, think really hard about it, and answer me this question. *Do you want me to rub my tummy and pat my head at the same time?* (While hopscotching on one knee and singing Oh Canada backwards in French, yes.) Does this really look like a man who knows what he’s doing? I’ve been holding off on doing this for as long as I could, but I couldn’t keep it in anymore. (Truck driver’s gear change in Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” plays) There’s nothing actually happening in here, but I just want you to hear the most beautiful sound uttered by both Sky commentators at the same time. (Crofty): -comes down, and Alonso’s squirming! Oh he’s-

(MB): Oh he’s gone! Woah! Majestic. So it turns out that’s actually not a new thing for Red Bull. Ahh, repressed memories are just the best. And in typical Drizzle Land weather, the rain gets turned up again. Moving the race from March didn’t do shit. (Owen Wilson accent): Waow, what a race! Every once in a while, if you look at the right places, you can get a glimpse of the dancing backmarkers. And so, the Japanese pride’s swan song ends the wrong way round. I know this isn’t Kobayashi’s last race, but, let’s be honest, we ALL wanna forget about 2014. How can a great driver such as Paul di Resta do well when all his cars are trying to kill him all the fucking time? And in the end, after a short safety car period, Jenson Button wins the 2012 Brazilian Grand Prix, the last victory for himself and for McLaren, until now. With Fernando Alonso in second place and Felipe Massa in third. But the world champion of 2012 is… Seeeeebastian Vettellll!!!!! (8-bit version of Dschinghis Khan’s “Moskau” plays) Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go snort a bottle of whiskey until I pass out. (Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Sound of Silence” begins playing) ♪Hello darkness, my old friend♪ ♪I’ve come to talk with you again♪

(Crofty, shouting): -and there’s Lewis Hamilton sliding into the wall, and OH DEAR! Romain Grosjean, ♪because a vision softly creeping♪

(Crofty) and Fernando Alonso and Lewis Hamilton all coming to grief at La Source- ♪Left its seeds while I was sleeping ♪ ♪And the vision that was planted in my brain♪

(Crofty, shouting again): -and all the while Perez, challenging Grosjean, and Kimi Raikkonen dips onto the dirt, look! There goes the Ferrari on the track! ♪Still remains♪ ♪Within the sound of silence♪ Eh, I’m glad I got this one out of the way. I’ve been planning to do this race for over a month now, but so many things kept getting in the way, including the current season, that I just couldn’t find any time to do this but, last week, in vacation I found some time to f- I found some spare time to finish this one. And now my mind can be finally at peace. The race was good, was crazy, was fun, I wish I’d have watched it back then. Pretty much like the whole season, but (stammering) the past is past, I can’t really complain about it anymore. Anyway, like the video if you like- ahem. You know what? I just can’t do this crap anymore, I’m sick of saying it at the end of every video, I was only doing it because I thought it got me more subscribers, when I started doing this it did but, now I’m only getting like, five a day, so there’s really no use anymore. And I feel stupid every time I say so… fuck it, I better stop it for my own sake. Thank you all very much for watching and I will see you on the next races. (Foreshadowiiiing!)

100 Comments

  1. King Heidfeld Author

    No Schumi letting Sebastian go? That imo was the most pathetic moment of his career. Either that , either rear-ending Senna in Spain.

    Reply
  2. CookProductions1 Author

    I still find it absurd that a professional sports commentator referenced an internet meme from 2006. We're living in an incredible time.

    Reply
  3. The Ozzy Racing Channel Author

    mstf1 please can you do the f1 2012 spa race because I never watched it and all I no about it is what happens at the start and who wins it so if you can do it I would be happy loved the video

    Reply
  4. Finn Custom Knives Author

    Yea god knows things were so boring with Vettel and the RB domination…… going into the last race there was 13 points between the top 2 drivers who drive for different teams. Seems MUCH more exciting than the scripted stuff we have been seeing for a while now

    Reply
  5. Retrofly Author

    Someone asking for a like or subscribe has never influenced my decision to make a like or a subscribe. In fact it has the opposite effect on me.

    Reply
  6. Mariaelena Biliato Author

    Please, do not do Brazil 2008. Just please. Just the thought of it makes me cry. There is not a song enough sad but powerful and proud but dramatic enough to describe Ferrari fans' feeling on that day.

    Reply
  7. MInigunGaming Author

    Hülkenburg is championship material, as shown by his victory at Le Mans, but he has just been stuck in backmarkers or the midfield teams.

    Reply
  8. rachel fleming Author

    Still Gutted Alonso didn't win the title in 2012. Drove better than Vettel that year. One of the best seasons in recent years led to the same result of 2011 and 2013 which were boring years.

    Reply
  9. JWoz38 Author

    Action from lap 1 until lap 71. I cried when i realised that Alonso has no chance to win the championhip because of Di Resta crash. It was the best race i ever watched and it will be forever.

    Reply
  10. Felipe Freire Author

    Cara, realmente, a temporada 2012 foi, de longe, a melhor da última década. Se você não acompanhou, perdeu mesmo uma ótima temporada. Gosto dos teus vídeos, seus comentários engraçados. Massa, depois de 2008, só sabia andar mesmo andar bem como segundo. Um mecânico da Ferrari chamar o povo brasileiro de supersticioso chega a ser cômico , como se os italianos não o fossem também. Em relação ao nome das curvas, retas de Interlagos, eles até se esforçam, já vi Brundle narrar um vídeo onboard em um ano falando perfeitamente "laranja", já no outro ano, ele fala "laranka", "descida do lago" e, depois "descida del lago" . E 55 celsius de temperatura na pista? Brundle mistura sempre celsius com Farenheit, assim como confunde milhas com Km. 😂😂 Um abraço, amigo. Saudações Recifenses.

    Reply
  11. Aloter Author

    Pooor Alonso.
    I was born in 2003 and i started watching F1 in 2006 but thar season was just incredible.
    As an Alonso fan, i was watching this in direct live and i was crying because of 1 little point…..

    Reply

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