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Brewstew – Picture Day

Alright, school picture day It was an important day Your parents would be like: “Okay, we just got you a haircut” “You’re wearing your best
Stone Cold Steve Austin t-shirt” “Why don’t you try to smile nice
and try not to look like a fuck-up, okay?” But chances are, you did look like a fuck-up Because you’re in elementary school,
you are a fuck-up! You definitely don’t know, how to smile nice Most kids of that age smile like this And what the hell is that?!
Look at that intensity! He’s gritting his teeth
like a civil war doctor’s sawing off his leg Holy hell, calm down! You don’t got to show every tooth
in your goddamn head! We can see your molars, for Christ’s sake!
Take it down a notch! Like your parents are gonna frame that
and put in the living room They’re not fucking putting that in the living room,
what are you, crazy? They’re gonna put that shit in the backyard
to keep squirrels out of the garden Imagine if you got kidnapped, and the detectives asking
for the most recent picture your parents have of you And they hand over this fucking disaster “Holy shit! What was this, taken during the kidnapping?
Why is he smiling like that?!” And if you’re in first grade
and it was picture day, forget it They shouldn’t even take your picture
in first grade, because you look ridiculous Chances are, you had, like, 4.5 teeth in your head Your smile looks like that old Cartoon Network logo Shirt’s all wrinkled,
there’s a booger hanging out of your nose No, fuck that!
They should skip first grade in the yearbook Kindergarten ->Second grade
Because you want to look good on your yearbook pictures You wanna be dressed up all nice,
like you’re going to your Aunt Lorraine’s funeral You don’t wanna be like the dumbass,
wearing this Hong Kong Phooey pyjamas to school It’s a big deal! You’d be waiting in line, and they’d give us combs
while we’re waiting, like we’re a bunch of greasers Just so we could screw up our hair even more Then you finally go in there to the photographer,
who’s half a pedophile, and he’s all like: “Alright, how about
you take your shirt off for this one?” And you’re like:
“No, thanks, not this time” And he’s like: “Ah, damn it! Okay.
Which background do you want?” “We got the mushy cloud shit, 90’s laser beams,
or.. Jonathan Taylor Thomas” And you’re like:
“Well, shit, I guess I’ll take the laser beams” “Alright, how about we see
a nice big pretty smile then with your fine ass?” “Okay, I’ll look good, I can do this”
*Clears his throat* *CHEEEEE…* “Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow!
Let’s take it down a notch, holy hell!” Your veins are sticking out of your forehead, relax *Camera shutter clicks*
Boom! Done! Mission accomplished! Few weeks later you’re taking your picture home,
feeling confident “Have some of this, Mom and Dad,
I’m not gonna look like a fuck-up this year, no siree..” “Oh, God damn it! I fucking blinked!” “Ah, what the hell is this shit, God damn it!” “What do you, narcolepsy or some shit?!” “Look at your sister’s picture,
she nailed it!” “Thanks for fucking up another year, idiot!”


  1. 500 Magnum Author

    I don't let them take pictures of me because fuck you i was already forced to go to enslaved hell i'm not gonna let this fucking pedophile take a picture of me.


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