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Comedian And Actor JB Smoove Is A Jack Of All Trades


FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR
AND COMEDIAN BEST KNOWN FOR HIS ROLE
AS LEON ON “CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM.” HE NOW STARS IN THE NEW FILM
“ALMOST CHRISTMAS.”>>WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? I DO THAT? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?>>IT’S A HAPPY HOME. OBVIOUSLY NOT IF YOU’RE
BANGING THE CASHIER FROM PIGGLY WIGGLY.>>YOU INVITED HER TO CHRISTMAS
DINNER WITH YOUR SISTER WHO DOES THAT!>>WHAT? O DOES THAT? WHO PUTS PAPRIKA IN POTATO
SALAD?>>MY FAMILY. NOT MINE. WE JUST DON’T DO THAT.>>YOU’RE BEING RIDICULOUS. WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF CHRISTMAS
DINNER. YOU CAN TALK TO HER LATER. COME ON.>>Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME THE
VERY FUNNY J.B. SMOOVE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )>>Stephen: NICELY DONE. NICELY DONE. ( APPLAUSE )
DON’T SIT DOWN, YET. THIS IS SPLENDOR. I LIKE THIS. FROM HERE UP, YOU ARE READY TO
ARGUE YOUR CASE BEFORE THE SUPREME COURT.>>YEAH!>>Stephen: FROM HERE DOWN,
YOU’RE READY FOR HEAVY WEATHER.>>NO, THIS IS MILITARY STUFF. THIS IS A CAMOUFLAGE TIE,
MILITARY BOOTS, MILITARY STYLE!>>Stephen: WERE YOU IN THE
MILITARY?>>I WOULD GO IN THE MILITARY
BUT THEN I WAS SELLING REAL ESTATE. SEE WHAT I’M SAYIN’? ( LAUGHTER )
YOU GOT TO THINK. I’M OUTSIDE THE BOX.>>Stephen: GOOD. I’M WAY OUTSIDE THE BOX. THE BOX IS OVER HERE. I’M WAY OVER HERE.>>Stephen: WOW. WELL, LET’S JUST GET RID OF THE
BOX. I DON’T WANT THE BOX AT ALL. HAPPY HALLOWEEN. ARE YOU CELEBRATING HALLOWEEN?>>I AM.>>Stephen: DO YOU ENJOY
CELEBRATING HALLOWEEN?>>I DON’T WANT TO CHANGE THE
PACE OF WHAT’S GOING ON RIGHT NOW BUT I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU
BACKSTAGE ON THE MONITOR THE WHOLE TIME. IT’S BUGGING ME MAN.>>Stephen: WHAT’S WRONG? I AM A MAN OF STYLE.>>Stephen: YOU ARE. I’M WATCHING YOU ON THE
MONITOR AND THINKING, THIS MAN NEEDS A POCKET SQUARE. ( APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE LINING UP A PUTT. I HAVE THIS. I HAVE A KLEENEX.>>GET THAT OUT OF HERE, MAN.>>Stephen: THIS IS A MAGIC
TRICK HE’S ABOUT TO DO. WHAT?>>NOT THAT ONE. LET’S SEE.>>Stephen: A LITTLE MAGIC
MUSIC PLACE.>>NOT THAT ONE. THAT’S TOO PERFECT. ( PLAYING PIANO )
>>NOT TOO GREEN, NOT TOO GREEN. HOLD ON. HUH-OH, HUH-OH, H HUH-OH…>>Stephen: OH, THAT’S REALLY
NICE. YEAH. YOU’RE IN FOR A DISAPPOINTMENT.>>NO.>>Stephen: YEP. OH, NO!>>Stephen: IT’S SEWED SHUT! OH, NO! YOU TRICKED ME, MAN! YOU TRICKED ME! NOT TOO BAD.>>Stephen: VERY CHARLTON
HESTON, MID 70s.>>VERY CHARLTON HESTON.>>Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
BEING HERE. THANK YOU FOR UPGRADING MY
STYLE. I THINK I MIGHT BE CUTTING OFF
THE BLOOD TO MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW. IT’S A LITTLE BIT TIGHT. THE MOVIE IS CALLED “ALMOST
CHRISTMAS.” ISN’T IT A LITTLE EARLY FOR IT
TO BE ALMOST CHRISTMAS? AREN’T WE PUSHING THINGS A
LITTLE BIT AT THIS POINT?>>I HAD A BIG FIGHT WITH THE
DIRECTOR. I TOLD HIM WE SHOULD CALL IT
“DAMN NEAR CHRISTMAS.”>>DAMN NEAR CHRISTMAS. TO ME, IT’S THE SAME THING. IT’S DAMN NEAR CHRISTMAS. PEOPLE SAY IT ALL THE TIME. IT’S DAMN NEAR EASTER. SEE?>>Stephen: I CAN SEE THAT. I HEAR “DAMN NEAR” ALL THE
TIME. I HAVE A FRIEND OF MINE WHO
“DAMN NEAR GOT FIRED.>>Stephen: CAN I ASK YOU
ABOUT YOUR LAST NAME SMOOVE?>>WHY NOT.>>Stephen: YOU’RE NOT BORN
WITH A NAME SMOOVE, RIGHT? ( LAUGHTER )
>>OF COURSE, NOT, MAN. YOU CAN’T PUT THAT ON YOUR
DRIVER’S LICENSE. THEY GIVE YOU A HARD TIME OVER
THERE. I GOT MY NEW LICENSE AND I WENT
UP THERE AND I SAID, MA’AM, IS IT OKAY IF I TAKE MY NEW PHOTO
LIKE THIS? SHE SAID, NO.>>Stephen: DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO HAND THAT TO A COP WHEN HE PULLS YOU OVER?>>OF COURSE. THAT MEANS I’M OKAY. EVERYTHING’S COOL! ( APPLAUSE )
COME ON, MAN! IT’S A GREAT IDEA. THEY SAID, NO. I SAID, I CAN’T DO THAT, REALLY? EVERYTHING’S OKAY.>>Stephen: YOU’RE NOT GOING
TO ANSWER THE QUESTION, HOW DID YOU GET SMOOVE?>>I HAVE — I WAS A HIP-HOP
DANCER. I WAS KNOWN AS JAY SMOOVE. MY PARTNER WAS GROOVE. IT WAS GROOVE AND SMOOVE.>>Stephen: WHAT KIND OF MOVES
ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?>>ANY KIND OF DANCING. I’M A WORLDLY GUY. I CAN DO HIP-HOP DANCING. I SHOULD BE ON BROADWAY, TO BE
HONEST WITH YOU.>>Stephen: YOU’RE ON BROADWAY
RIGHT NOW. THIS IS A BROADWAY THEATER.>>I SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN CATS. THAT’S WHAT, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN
IN CATS.>>Stephen: YOU WOULD BE A
GOOD CAT?>>GIVE US SOME CAT MUSIC.>>Stephen: GIVE ME CAT MUSIC
( FAST CAT MUSIC ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ( LAUGHTER )
>>SEE THAT? I’M FABULOUS, MAN. HEY — I’M ALSO VERY GOOD AT
HIP-HOP DANCING, TOO. SEE THAT THERE? I DO IT ALL. I’M A JACK OF ALL TRADES. I DO EVERYTHING. I’M INSIDE THE BOX. AND I’M OUTSIDE THE BOX. BUT NOW YOU PUT THE BOX SO FAR
AWAY, I CAN’T EVEN GET BACK IN THE BOX.>>Stephen: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU
NEED A LITTER BOX. THAT’S HOW GOOD YOU ARE.>>THAT’S HOW GOOD I AM.>>Stephen: THAT’S HOW MUCH A
JACK OF ALL TRADES YOU ARE.>>YOU KNOW WHAT? DOGS SHOULD LEARN HOW TO USE
LITTER BOXES. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.>>Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
GOOD.>>HOW COME FEMALE DOGS PEE SO
DIFFERENT THAN MALE DOGS?>>Stephen: I DON’T KNOW, AND
WHY DO FEMALE DOGS ALL GO TO THE BATHROOM AT THE SAME TIME?>>I DON’T KNOW!>>Stephen: J.B., THANK YOU
FOR BEING HERE! THANK YOU!>>STEPHEN: “ALMOST CHRISTMAS”
IS IN THEATERS NOVEMBER 11. J.B. SMOOVE, EVERYBODY. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE
GHOST BROTHERS.

78 Comments

  1. Berta Griese Author

    Colbert is just not flexible enough for such situations. And the band might be a really good band but they also have to learn a lot on being a late show band…

    Reply
  2. Manuel Author

    i love this guy. BUT WHY DIDN'T THEY TALK ABOUT THE NEW CURB EPISODES THAT ARE SUPPOSEDLY GOING TO BE FILMED EARLY NEXT YEAR AND IF HE'S IN THOSE?

    Reply
  3. Uno Dos Author

    Does Colbert not give guests pre-interviews? JB missed an obvious lol moment when he didn't pull a pair of panties out with the hankies. And if it wasn't for JB's odd voice, his comedy wouldn't work… it's just frantic random punchline-free bologna. Perfect for Curb's odd script-free style, but otherwise, he comes off as someone who needs meds. "Why do female dogs pee different than male dogs?" Uh.. same reason male humans pee different than female humans? Jeez, he's good to laugh at but ain't nobody in Hollywood taking this over the top wackiness seriously.

    Reply

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