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Guardians: The Hollywood Interview


CATHERINE: Hello, everyone! I’m Catherine Sky and welcome to the Catherine Sky Night Show! (Applause from the audience) Tonight we have three unexpected guests! The- Beach… Bummers? JAX: I didn’t agree to that name. VALRI: Didn’t even know we had one. DANGER: Yeah, I wrote it down before we got here. CATHERINE: Right… These three have been living at Destiny City’s beach for almost six years! And has made our city a bit more safe, just being in the right place at the right time! So, Valri? Being the only girl on your team, what kind of position do you think you’ll have on the team? VALRI: Well, taking care of these two are a chore, but… I think we click together perfectly! If it wasn’t for me, these two probably would’ve killed each other by now! So… I guess you can say I’m the “glue” that keeps us all together. Kind of like a big sister! CATHERINE: Speaking of glue, everyone should buy my new book, now in stores! Now, Danger. Being the youngest in your group of special people. Do you think it’s hard being the leader since you’re not as mature as the others? DANGER: [Zoning out] Uh-huh… JAX: Danger, answer the sheep. DANGER: Eh? Ah, yeah! Well, um… I dunno… I guess so? I just like adventuring! CATHERINE: Just like I do in Destiny City’s new hit: “Life is Adventure” written and casted by yours truly! And should be in theaters near you soon! And now for our “wild man” over there. Oh Jax-y~! JAX: [Sotto] Oh, here we go… CATHERINE: Jax, as a predator of animals, do you think that more people will be afraid of you as your group becomes more popular? JAX: …What?! CATHERINE: Well as a savage ruffian like yourself, I would think you’d strike more fear into the people’s hearts the more you’re around them. JAX: [Seething] Oh… A savage am I…? VALRI: Jax, calm down. CATHERINE: Well, seems like we’ll have to take a bre- JAX: I’LL SHOW YOU SAVAGE! (Record scratch) CATHERINE: MY WORD! (Gasps from the audience) CORA: NO MERCY-Y-Y!! VALRI: Jax, calm down! JAX: [Animalistic] NEVER!! BAAH!! RAAAH!! DANGER: [Eating] Yeah, Jax. Chill out. JAX: Am I striking fear yet, Catherine?! AM I?! CATHERINE: Oh my word! Somebody stop this guy! SONGHEART, DO SOMETHING! SONGHEART: You know what? No. She doesn’t pay me enough to be the camerapony. Out. See, this is why I go to Hay-Burger They pay me at *least* $20 a week. But the studio pays only *$5* a week! This is outrageous! I’m never. I’m never. EVER. I’m never. EVER. Going. I’m never. EVER. Going. To come back. I’m never. EVER. Going. To come back. To this I’m never. EVER. Going. To come back. To this “studio.” I’m never. EVER. Going. To come back. To this “studio.” Ever. I’m never. EVER. Going. To come back. To this “studio.” Ever. Again. Goodbye, Hollywood. CERO: It’s not a very good show, is it? DONKEYDUDE: i payed like, $30 to get in here! BLIZZARD: What?! I got in for like, 50 bucks! What kind of show is this?! JAX: [Yelling and growling]
VALRI (OS): Jax get off her! That’s enough! VALRI (OS): Jax get off her! That’s enough! Danger, come help me! DANGER: Yeah, yeah, I’m coming. JAX: GET OFF OF ME!
DANGER: Yeah, yeah, I’m coming. JAX: GET OFF OF ME! DANGER: [Whispering to the camera] I’m so sorry… JAX: GET OFF ME GET OFF ME!
DANGER: [Whispering to the camera] I’m so sorry… CORA: Yeah, Jax! Let’s trash this party! I HATE HOLLYWOOD!! NERO: CORA, DON’T- (Smash) DR. EGGMAN: I finally found them! The Meta Mobians! [Laughing]

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