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Hollywood Wasteland Episode 9 – Hollywood Heroes


– Soon we will free the dark overlord – [Voiceover] Previously
on Hollywood Wasteland – I’m the die, Jeff Collins – You’re in my world now – If this mixer is a
success I’ll promote you. – You mix that with a side
blast and it’ll taste great. (brooding melody) – They’re here. – (radio crackle) Take the shot. (laser blast) (metal crackling) (object dropping) – Blast them. (laser fire) (beams flying through air) (gun fire) (shield crackling) (metal pop) (soldier grunt) – Yeah motherfucker – Stop (laser horn firing) – Reinforcements (laser pistol fires) – Charlie – Pull yourself together (punch) (rifle fires) – Nuts (dramatic music) (pistol fires) (man screams) – Marley – Protect Morris and the device – No (screams) – No scowl (metal pop) (music box) (mumbles) (woman screams) (woman panicking) (musical tone) (woman gasps) – What do they call this one? – Synthia Come on we’ve got a world to save. (energetic music) (upbeat melody) – Target acquired. – Roy Jones? I am a huge fan. – I’m honored what’s your name? – Chlora Clever, remember it. – And I was like where am I going to get another dog, the pound? It’s like an orphanage for dogs. – That is disgusting. – Yeah – Why doesn’t Satchy
Satchy Satchy make a dog? Wouldn’t that be so cute,
I would totally get one. – Totally – You ladies interested
in a Kielbasa Blast? – Go away little man. – It will make you skinny. – What’s in it? – A side blast. It’ll rock your world. – I was in The Light in
Winter, I played the princess. I wanted to play Eleanor
but she’s supposed to be like older or whatever.
Hello, stage makeup. Oh, and I was in the Seagull but we spelled it with the S-e-e
though cuz that’s funny… – Excuse me, are you an actress? – Am I ever (stomps away) – [Entire Crowd] Go Go Go Go Go (crowd cheers) – That’s what it is – I have always wanted
to obsess on alcohol and one other thing and I never knew what that could be until
today, this is amazing. – Well I have to get rid of the herpes that I got from John while he videotaped it for the Internet. – A side blast can purge all mistakes. I don’t just believe in
a side blast, I sell it. Alright now come on,
two more as advertised, who wants it in the mouth? (girls yelling) (crowd cheering “in the mouth”) – Hello everyone. I would
like to thank all of you for coming to the reality
TV celebrity mixer. It took a lot of work on my part. So enjoy, Mark Catalano. – I thought you said you
had this under control. This party is full of
regular people with bad skin. You better figure out a way
to fix this or you’re fired. – One, two, one, two, three, four (playful music) – Where is the disk drive? It’s gotta be here somewhere. Come on, come on… Got it. – Ouch. Meow, meow, meow,
this little kitten has claws. Now it’s my turn (energy charges) Oh, what’s the matter? I’m
just getting warmed up. (playful music) (scattered applause) – Jeff Walter was supposed to be
taking care of the front door. He is nowhere to be seen. Now my mixer is filled with regular people with really bad skin. – [Cholora] Jeffie – Come on guys – What, you know these two clowns? This one was dancing on stage. This one was hocking up
some kinda repairman scheme. – It’s multi-level
marketing, it’s brilliant. – That’s it. You know I give my time,
I try to be helpful and you guys…you’re just, you’re idiots. Shallow, entitled, selfish idiots. It’s my own fault really, I am constantly putting everyone else’s
needs before my own. I had a real connection with Synthia, a chance at happiness. And if I haven’t been so involved with your problems she might still be here. That’s it, you know what, find a new roommate I’m outta here. (evil tune) – Hello, can I interest
you in the opportunity to earn thousands of dollars
from the comfort of your home. – My affiliates and I were
wondering if you would be interested in a business proposition that could change your life. – Wanna lose weight and make a fortune? – Not really. No. (evil chanting) (chanting in foreign language) – Bring forth the virgin. – Please don’t. – She’s perfect. – I haven’t even been to Disneyland. – Prepare the alter. You’re just making it harder on yourself. Tonight we will summon the most powerful force the world has ever
seen and it will be glorious. (evil laughing) (crowd laughs in unison) (woman cries) – I don’t know if you can
hear me but Jeff needs you. I need you, we all need you. Whatever this is robot you gotta fight it. – I must protect Jeff Collins – Once I defeat you I will be able to reprogram you to do anything. You’ll fetch me fresh petunias and make me toad in the
hole for breakfast forever. It’s game over. – Do something – Run – You’re Roy Jones. You attacked me at the Wilshire
office, now I remember. – It all ends today. – It all ends today. – I am Synthia, synthetic, automated. – She’s a robot – I will assist Jeff Collins. Wait here. You must draw the comic book
that will save humanity. – Oh shit. (gun fires) – No (screams) (dooming music) – Jeff Collins is terminated. (shots firing) (empty chamber) Nuts. (evil chanting) (woman cries) – It is time. (knife unsheathes) (woman screams) – I have been destroyed. Where am I? – This is the fail-safe program. If you’re seeing this then your
backdoor has been exploited. There’s an untested security patch which could restore you to your last save but I didn’t have time to debug it. So it might be some kooky issues, might fry some stuff you could say. – I must return to protect Jeff Collins. – Now I need you to enter this code: Control + Alt + Delete. – Well, well, well, look
who’s back for more. (energy sputtering) oh,
where are my fireballs? – Now I will defeat you. (man gasps) (triumphant tune) Game over. (demonic breathing) – At last, I have returned. (demonic laugh) (springy tune) – [Cholora] They got you Roger (bottle shattering) (rapid gun fire) (gunfire from inside) – Jeff, are you okay? Come on buddy, please stay with us. – Is he…dead? – He will be if we don’t
get this bullet out quick. Hand me that kit. – I’ve been programmed to
perform medical field surgery. (otherworldly music) – Where am I? – You’re in the future dummy. – What? – Life has been hard, I’ve seen
things you wouldn’t believe. – My God, who did this? – You did. You’re humanity’s
last hope and you did nothing. You put your head down, never changed, never became the man you
were supposed to become until it was too late. – Me? How do you know this? – That’s right. I’m you
but from the future. If you stay the course,
we’re dead, we’re all dead. – What could I possibly do to stop this? – You could start by waking up. – What? – Wake up. – Wake up. – That really happened. – Thought we lost you buddy. – I have removed one
nine millimeter bullet from you abdomen and sutured the wound. – Synthia, you’re a
robot, from the future. – I am Synthia: synthetic, automated, tactical response unit. – Now he gets it. – Yeah, yeah I do. – Jimmy, I was so sad. – You are not allowed to scare us again. – [Chad] I knew you were
fine the whole time. – I think I should probably go look for some ammo or something. – (chuckles) Get over here Walter. (cheerful music) – Okay that’s a bad touch Chad, bad touch, bad touch Chad. – Somethings wrong…the portal. – Do something. – I don’t understand. – No, this cannot be happening. No. (yells) (playful tune) – Too rough. You’re too
rough, what is wrong with you? – I’m sorry – Veronica, the carnage is all
over the regular people news. – I am so sorry. – Sorry, this is the best
PR we’ve had in like days. – So, you mean I got the promotion? – Just don’t screw it up. – Chlora, I love your look
and your Vaudeville routine. I’m directing a web series, I think it’s gonna be a really big deal. Do you have any head shots so
I can e-mail you the script and I think I have a
really good role for you. – Erin. Come on. – I can be the next Alicia Faye. – Wait. She’s just like that. – Can’t believe I passed out. Hey, you made it to double secret platinum diamond level. – I made it to double secret
platinum diamond level? – Yeah, I’m really
happy for you. Whatever. (knocking) – Guys, there’s a lot more
of those things out front and I don’t think that door is gonna hold. – I got this. Out the back door, gang. – (sigh) Let’s get outta here. I have a comic book to draw. (drum cadence) (flicks switch) (explosion) (adventurous music) (fire crackling) – [Demonic Voice] Collins. (“People make me nervous”
by Mark Catalano)

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