*runs paper nails down face* Hi all… James Charles here, just woken up in a very expensive and luxurious country. You wouldn’t have heard of it because you’re poor and I’m richer than you. I owe you guys an explanation. I owe you all- -an explanation. But most importantly. I have something very important to say to two very special people out there. *dead silence* (mispronoucing Tati) Tati? Tati? Tati? Tati and James, her husband, who I really wanted to fuck, *stares at other camera* if you’re watching this, I have something to say *dramatic sigh* Nails being *extra* *very dramatic eye roll* [what goes on…] ugh *sigh* You know, what I mean. I started talking to Tati a couple of years ago when I first started in the industry and she quickly Took on this parental role Because I’m baby and I need mommy and mommy didn’t love me obviously because of… well mainly the nails when people were talking about my makeup And people wouldn’t leave me alone H-How the fact that I can’t do makeup and it’s my job. I just found it difficult at 3 a.m. So I would call her And she would answer the phone And I’d say Tati can I come sleep in the bed with you and your husband? And she said James, I’m not in town And I would say I know I just wanted to have sex with your husband *extra paper nails noises* Don’t think we shall have to focus on the truth and When, that’s not what counts and that’s not what’s important it’s… *chewing on paper nail* It’s the feelings that matter, you know *camera zooms in* *gulps* I can’t believe I betrayed our trust this much.. I Can’t, I cannot believe it. All she wanted me to do was promote her fucking gummies She just wasn’t gonna pay me any money what the fuck? Just pay me the fucking do(??)… It’s not a fucking charity mate And I was a fool(??)… I don’t operate a charity To the rest of the people out there. Oh my god. This is so difficult. I need some help *inhales* *exhales* Hey sister Laura, its James- -Charles Other person: This is your uber, I wont be a moment How is it going? Other person: Yes James, I’m great. How are you? I’m driving.. Yeah it sounds like- Yeah, no, I can hear you fine, don’t worry Okay. Well I was looking for a bit of advice I’ve had a bit of a ~sister scandal~ and I was wondering how you got over yours I’m driving for Uber *car crash noises* James: Ok well, It sounds like you’re a bit busy so im going to let you go. Bye sister Desperate times call for desperate measures. It’s James Charles and I have a disaster And Tana said the n-word again and Shane fucked a cat so im all busy today Honestly, Its Urgent Please. I don’t need you anyway, my name’s James Charles and I’m the youngest Youtuber millionaire catalyst influencer sensation. I’m breaking through to the mainstream With or without your help I guess I’ve gotta do this myself. I want to also apologize for making jokes in the past about Africa and Ebola I’m sorry for saying that I would catch Ebola if I went to Africa I’m now educated and I’ve changed and I know that I know that I’m much more likely to get malaria and/or AIDS. So I’m so sorry About the Ebola thing, next time I will talk more about AIDS Or malaria. I know a lot of people have been asking me why my tour tickets are so expensive and I just wanted to say WOMP WOMP WOMP YEAYEAYEA That’s why it’s worth five hundred I would also like to address the fact that I am a Cock destroyer Regarding boys, I- mmaaiii I’ve talked a lot on my social media. I don’t think I should have to do it again if I’m completely honest Sorry if you were offended No big deal Whoopsie-daisy and that’s the last I’ll say on it I’ve got one more thing and that’s I’d like to talk about my mom You’re probably worried about me, I just wanted to say If you… If you reply to another fucking comment, I swear to god mom. I’ll do you the fucking I’ll do you the FUCK-ING (james… don’t fuck your mum) I love you mummy Love you mummy~ I’ll do the fucking… And to my brother, I’m sorry, you’re sorry you’re not gonna get more fame for no reason. At the end of the day sisters Unleash your inter-artist Don’t go to Africa because you will get AIDS I learnt the hard way- HEY SISTERS! IF YOU WANT TO HEAR THE REST OF MY APOLOGY YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY! PAYMENT REQUIRED OF ONLY ONE SOUL! Use code JAMES for 10% off!