Let’s get started, shall we? In my past
as a struggling actress, I’ve auditioned for hundreds
of roles that I didn’t get. Maybe I wasn’t right
for the part. Maybe I made some choices that
were wrong when I read for them. Either way,
my pain is your gain in this brand-new game
called Jane’s Odd-itions. I’ll perform scenes
from some well-known movies, and I’m going to make
some acting choices that the original director might not have had in mind. As soon as you think you know
the name of the movie I was auditioning for, ring in on your bell, okay? If you’re right,
you’ll get a point. If you’re wrong, the other team
will get to hear the rest of the scene
before they give their answer. Get it? Got it?
Good. Okay, I was told
that this 1985 film was one of those
hard-boiled detective dramas. I was misinformed. November 5, 1955, I remember it vividly. I was standing on the edge
of my toilet, hanging a clock. I slipped and hit my head
on the edge of the sink. When I came to, I had
a revelation, a picture of this. Yes, sir?
What is it? – “Back to the Future.”
– Is it “Back to the Future”? [bell dings]
It is indeed. – Yeah! Very nice.
– The flux capacitor. Very good, William.
Right out of the gate. I love it.
All right. Now, I was under the impression in this 1983 film
I was auditioning for that it was some kind
of a kinky romance. It was not. Okay, you cockroaches. You want to play games? Okay, I’ll play with you. Okay, you want
to play rough, huh? Okay, then say hello
to my little friend. Oh, yes, sir? – “Scarface.”
– Is it “Scarface”? [bell dings] – Sorry, Derek.
– That’s correct. Very good, Andy,
one for each team. I was very certain
that this 1999 film was supposed to be a steamy
Tennessee Williams-type romance. I don’t know where I got
that from, but it was not. Went a little something
like this. You want to hear
a nasty story of mine? Well, it’s kind of sexual. Well, this one time, we were playing this game
called spin the bottle, and I had to kiss this boy
named Mark Wander on the lips. Oh, and he was such a dork. Oh, and then this one time,
at band camp– [electronic chime]
Yes, sir? – “American Pie.”
– Is it “American Pie”? [bell dings]
It is indeed. – Yay! Whoo!
– Yeah, baby! – It occurred to everyone
at the exact same time. – Exact same time, exactly.
– All right. Now, this next film,
I thought this movie was about an up-and-coming
standup comedian, but the joke was on me. Now the height and weight
of the victim can only be estimated
from the partial remains. There are no
major organs remaining. The right arm has been severed.
[rim shot] Thank you very much. This was no accident.
It wasn’t any propeller. It wasn’t any coral reef.
Yes, sir? – “Jaws.”
– Is it “Jaws”? [bell dings]
Yessiree. Way to go, Andy.
We’re gonna do one more. I swear, I thought this one was one of those
historical dramas, you know, where a 100-year-old black woman
flashes back on her life. Well, I was wrong. The census taker
once tried to test me. I ate his liver
with some fava beans–Andy? – “Silence of the Lambs.”
– Is it “Silence of the Lambs”? [bell dings]
– How many do we got? – Indeed it is. Very good. We knew you’d be good
at this game.