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Jon Stewart is a Hollywood Blvd Superhero???


A DIPLOMATICQUIVALENT OF MEETING A SEQUEL TO THE EMOJI MOVIE. COMIC-CON IS UNDER WAY, WHICH MEANS THE I.T. GUY FROM WORK IS IN A STARBUCKS SQUEEZING INTO A DEADPOOL ONESIE IN SAN DIEGO. COMIC-CON, THE ONLY CONVENTION WHERE EVERY ONE OF THE CITY’S HOTEL ROOMS ARE FULL FOR FIVE DAYS, NO ONE GETS AN STD THE WHOLE TIME. IF YOU’RE HEADING TO COMIC-CON, IT’S SUPPOSED TO HOT IN SAN DIEGO, BE SURE TO KEEP YOUR AQUAMAN PROPERLY HYDRATED. NEVER LEAVE HIM IN A CAR WITH THE WINDOWS UP. MANY OF THE THOUSANDS OF FANS WHO GO TO COMIC CON LIKE TO DRESS UP AS THEIR FAVORITE CHARACTERS. I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE WISE TO GET TIPS FROM OUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS, THE HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD SUPERHEROES. THESE BRAVE MEN AND ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE WOMEN, EVERY DAY THEY WEAR THEIR COSTUMES IN THE HOT SUN, TAKE PHOTOS WITH TOURISTS FOR TIPS. THESE ARE THE REAL HEROES. A FEW OF THEM ARE ASSEMBLED OUTSIDE OUR THEATER. WE HAVE SUPERMAN, SPIDER-MAN, AND THE INCREDIBLE HULK ARE THERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] SO GENTLEMEN, YOU LOOK GREAT. ARE ANY OF YOU GOING TO COMIC-CON THIS WEEKEND?>>NO. >>NO. >>Jimmy: NO, OKAY. I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO SHARE ADVICE ON DRESSING UP FOR THOSE WHO ARE GOING, LIKE SUPERMAN, WHERE DO YOU KEEP YOUR WALLET WHEN YOU ARE — OH IN THAT FANNY PACK?>>FANNY PACK. >>Jimmy: IS IT OKAY FOR SUPERMAN TO HAVE A FANNY PACK?>>YEAH.>>Jimmy: IT IS, OKAY, ALL RIGHT. IT CAN BE BLACK, IT CAN BE ANY COLOR, DOESN’T HAVE TO COORDINATE WITH THE COSTUME? NEVER MIND, SUPERMAN. SPIDER-MAN, FIRST OF ALL, WHERE’S YOUR MASK, SPIDER-MAN? OH, IT’S RIGHT THERE, OKAY. WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR COSTUME?>>I FOUND IT AT A THRIFT SHOP.>>Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. AND DO YOU EVER EXPERIENCE SHAVING IN THAT THING?>>OH, YEAH. I CARRY BABY POWDER. >>Jimmy: OH, YOU DO, ALL RIGHT. AND THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE WORST COSTUME IN THE WORLD, THE INCREDIBLE HULK. HOW DO YOUS USE THE BATHROOM WITH THOSE GIANT RUBBER HANDS THAT YOU HAVE? [ INDISCERNIBLE HUMBLING ]>>Jimmy: OH, WE’VE GOT ANOTHER SPIDER-MAN THERE TOO. HULK, I’M SORRY, I CAN’T UNDERSTAND. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. HOW DO YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM WITH THOSE HANDS?>>I TOLD YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I JUST — I GO — I GO RIGHT — RIGHT IN THE SUIT. GUY IN THE SUIT.>>Jimmy: OH, WAIT A MINUTE, JON STEWART, YOU PLAY THE INCREDIBLE HULK OUT THERE ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD?>>OH YEAH. I MEAN, NOT — I WOULDN’T SAY INCREDIBLE. BUT ADEQUATE. I PLAY AN ADEQUATE HULK. I DO.>>Jimmy: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS?>>OUT HERE?>>Jimmy: YEAH. >>WELL, I LEFT “THE DAILY SHOW” AUGUST 6th, 2015. AND THEN I — AUGUST 7th, 2015, WAS THE NEXT DAY. >>Jimmy: THAT’S CRAZY. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT. HOW ARE YOU DOING TIP-WISE TODAY?>>NOT AS GOOD MONEY-WISE AS I WOULD LIKE. BUT A GUY DID TELL ME I SHOULD GO [ BLEEP ] MYSELF, WHICH TECHNICALLY IS A TIP.>>Jimmy: NO –>>IT IS A TIP. >>Jimmy: I DON’T KNOW IF THAT IS A TIP. >>IT’S A TIP, JIMMY. >>Jimmy: IT IS A TIP?>>I DON’T DO IT FOR MONEY, I DO IT FOR THE KIDS! COME HERE, I DO IT FOR THE KIDS!>>Jimmy: HOW EXCITED THESE CHILDREN ARE TO SEE YOU. >>HE’S EXCITED. THE SPARKLE IN THE LITTLE BOY’S EYES WHEN HE HEARS THE SOUND OF THE HULK FLYING IN THE HULK-COPTER! HULK FLY, ARRGH!>>Jimmy: WHAT’S A HULK-COPTER?>>IT’S MY — THE HULK’S PRIVATE HELICOPTER.>>Jimmy: THE HULK DOES NOT HAVE A HELICOPTER. >>HE’S GOT A [ BLEEP ] HULK-COPTER!>>Jimmy: HE DOES NOT. >>I’M THE HULK! I KNOW WHAT I FLY!>>Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. >>DON’T MAKE ME ANGRY, JIMMY, YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY. >>Jimmy: MAY I ASK –>>YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M ANGRY. >>Jimmy: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE ANGRY?>>MY BACK HURTS AND I GET QUIET. >>Jimmy: OKAY, ALL RIGHT. NOBODY WANTS THAT. I’LL LET YOU GET BACK TO WORK. THANK YOU, JON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: THANK YOU, SUPERMAN. THANK YOU, SPIDER-MAN. WOW. THAT’S AMAZING. THOSE THREE GUYS HAVE TEN EMMYS

100 Comments

  1. maremacd Author

    I’m a big JK fan, but I’ve noticed he has had trouble getting the lines out wo garbling some of them. His speech seems almost a little slurred. I wonder what’s up.

    Reply
  2. yakuza01 Author

    Actually, he wouldn't make a bad older dishevel Bruce Banner, as he is sometimes shown in the comics. A bit taller and he would also make for a nearly perfect older Reed Richards.

    Reply
  3. KongKy Cum Author

    What is wrong with this guy, (JON Stewart)why h e doing this kinde of waorks .. once he was a good comadien and great host of TDS.

    Reply
  4. tomitstube Author

    calling jon stewart a progressive is like being married to a beautiful woman who hates sex. it's nothing but abject disappointment.

    Reply
  5. highlandsh Author

    Come on Jon, you were not JUST on cable, you were on the street shouting profanities. Some of us prudes still don't like to see that.

    Reply
  6. joshua irvin Author

    Great TV. Ps. F**K YOU SAN DIEGO for suing SLC for the rights to the name "COMIC-CON" pussies. We have more attendees and we do ours on a shoe string budget (and it's obvious).

    Reply
  7. kunal mithrill comedy Author

    hulk would be a MUCH better president. now imagine this. 45's always angry ,and hulk/bruce is trying to hold his temper
    45 goes on totally nuts on twitter and the hulk clearly has hands too large for a mobile phone…

    also. the hulk actually HAS LARGE HANDS !

    more than adequate hulk 🙂

    Reply
  8. Steve P Author

    That SpiderMan is cool. The costume is very KewL. The Trio is Fun, but we need more like that SpiderMan. My name of course is The Green Goblin, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    Reply
  9. polite critique Author

    John Stewart resigned from show he was tired of lying to Americans. So they hired immoral happy to lie trev Noah the shameless traitor working for arms firms who scam u.s tax

    Reply
  10. Nick Smith Author

    Great skit that demeans these dudes who go out in the sun and work hard to entertain. Yes, ha ha, it's not good money! Isn't it so funny that Jon has hit rock bottom and he has to work with these poor SOB's?! It's funny! Get it?!

    Reply
  11. Nate Schaefer Author

    Funny how Kimmel makes fun of “nerds” for stuffing into a “Deadpool onesie,” yet he stuffs himself into a suit to do a late night talk show like characters he’s looked up to in his youth. He’s just as fake as any other late night host, so why does he have so much hubris about his own persona trying to be someone else, over people who go to Comic-Con doing the same thing, yet with more true passion for the characters they portray?

    Reply

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