75 Comments

  1. marielle larisse Author

    Love your video. Got yourself a subscriber. Yes, I have been grossly obsessed with my husband behavior because I could not make sense of what he was creating between me and the kids. I was starting to thing there was something wrong with my way of thinking & of doing things. I had started finishing arguments with "I am not crazy! " Now that I know the truth I am horrified and I have fallen deeper into the obsession. So much so I had to start my own channel to let it all out and hang. Such malevolence…

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  2. Mar Smi Author

    Can you talk about how they say and do disruptive/shocking things at a time when things seem to have calmed down and your greeting along so well. Then they go and completely betray your trust and hurt you so deeply And when you try to talk to them about how much it upsetting you but they turn the whole conversation. About it around and blame and accuse you for wanting to argue and fight and blame you for all sorts of nonsense.

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  3. eajosephedward Author

    it took me 11yrs and 3 mos to find out what a narcissist was it too 3 major setbacks in my life to tare off my armor and it took me going to 2 prayer lines to open my eyes and I'm still educating myself about narcissism sadly though when I first gotten into this mess Google the Internet YouTube and smartphones were in their infancy stages….

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  4. MustardSeedish Author

    I've been trying to articulate in my own mind what I've been dealing with and you nailed it. I noticed the patterns now from the hoovering, to the love bombing, to the ignoring, to the subtle emotional abuse, back to hoovering and so on. Thank you.

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  5. HISIAM888RUHIS888 Author

    I'm really concerned about my 4 yr old grandson being with his N Mother! When he was 3 she was having a N-Fit.. Ranting & raving.. So he ran iver to the Bookcase & got one if his books & opened it & told me…"read this… It will calm her down!" Then she turned that around & blamed it on me & said "He's heard that from me!!" That response from him showed me that poor sweet child has "Had to Deal with Her" many times in situations like this! I remained silent (because I didn't want him to witness any more outbursts from her)! But I was deeply hurt for him!! How can Inhelp him cope with this Crazy Person??… He loves his mommy & I certainly don't want to hinder that!! But it's "Hell" being around her!! You have to constantly walk on eggshells & I say very little! But I know she manipulates him & my son (& she lies too)! I'm concerned about my GSons emotional & psychological health! He's too young to have to "handle this!"

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  6. Gemima Rigby Author

    I've gone from wondering if I was a narcissist to wondering if my dad was to nearly being certain my mother was. So much of her behavior was very controlling and critical, yet I felt so close to her. I wonder if this was a possessive closeness, and if it was due to her obsessive, controlling nature or the fact that she has legitimate narcissistic qualities. IF so, I have no idea who I am since she never loved me as I thought if she is a narcissist. I feel that she does in her own way, she has always helped me, encouraged and complimented me, yet she also was picky, critical, irritable, obsessive, controlling and wanted me to be like her. She may have pushed me into entertainment because she said she had wanted to be an actress. My therapist said that our family was a narcissistic one. I know that I have had low self esteem and have desired approval my whole life. I don't want to be a narcissist, yet i Know I have qualities of it. I also know that I feel deeply for animals, can't watch other people being hurt, and I do try to improve myself. Yet perhaps this is all just me wanting others to see me as good? If so, and I am not hurting anyone then is it wrong to want to be considered good? I never analyzed this. As a kid I felt normal. But i don't want to be a narcissist. I know this has been a rant. I guess if I fear I am a narcissist then I really don't care about anyone.

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  7. Gemima Rigby Author

    I realize I do do this-devaluation and then idealization. This is also part of borderline personality disorder. I usually do it when I feel like the other person doesn't care and has snubbed or insulted me, which has happened in the past. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and possibly borderline personality disorder as well. When I feel rejected I get this way, usually when I want the other person to like me. Well I guess maybe I am a narc

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  8. FUCK YOU Author

    I was will my woman for 12 years….she threatened to stab me with a pen in our first year….my best friend and i caught her in so many lies….she came into the relationship taking about her ex boyfriend and the abuse "he" put her through….all red flags….trust your heart….not your mind….

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  9. kris777 Author

    This is so true of me how every time I get with my mother in law and here tribe of enablers how it takes me weeks to get through the ptsd. She is absolutely evil to me even in the short visits I have to endure. You can tell when they know they're going to have access to me they've adapted to prepare talking points in advance so they can maximize the time until I get away. How I wish I was strong enough to not let it affect me but I cannot understand their wiring and what motivates them.

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  10. Kevin Hornbuckle Author

    This is a foundational video. The information here is an essential entry into understanding how narcissists abuse people they purport to care about. Your presentation is sincere and informed.

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  11. God's Daughter Author

    After having a heart to heart talk with my narc and conveying my feelings (such a mistake ) I am experiencing a distance for voicing my opinion . Today was even harder as we attended a funeral of a young teenage boy in our local community . The narc , who didn't sleep with me last night , gets up to pray in front of the church . And he doesn't "get it" that I am not only emotionally drained from seeing a young child loss his life but his distance . I cried out to God and said I am done !

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  12. silverlemniscate Author

    What a terrifying experience. Knowing how sick the general population is these days, getting into a car with a stranger is just dangerous.
    Here is my taxi story. I called for a taxi to pick me up from my job, it was about 5:30 in the evening. I live in England, taxis are a quite common form of travel for us so I was completely comfortable with taking a taxi.
    I get into the taxi, the young man driving was dressed completely in white, he was Islamic, nothing unusual about that here. I noticed a very strong perfume, the overpowering scent of an oil of some sort.
    This happened on a Friday. Not being Muslim, I had no idea that his young man had just come from his Friday prayers at his mosque.
    He seemed perturbed, very short when he spoke but there was also a tone of hostility in his voice. I dismissed this by thinking that Friday is a high traffic day and that he was maybe a bit frustrated.
    He hit the gas hard, throwing me back in the seat. He then proceeded to yell at me about Christianity, asking if I was a Christian. I am a Christian but thought why would he be insisting I tell him what my faith is. After insisting again and again, I told him, yes, I'm a Christian. Well, that sent him into an absolute frenzy, he was driving but turning all the way around to scream at me that Jesus didn't die on the cross, that Muhammed was the true prophet. I sat silent, terror began to wash over me. This young man had pure hate in his eyes, he was literally screaming at me in a rage, the car was swerving dangerously as his tirade continued. It suddenly occurred to me that he wasn't just a young zealot for Islam but that he wanted to kill me. I began to pray silently, knowing this man was wanting to kill me. My mind was racing as he bellowed at me with fire in his eyes, the atmosphere was so thick I felt like I couldn't move. He did this all the way to my home, the only thing I could think of was he knows where I live and will come back to kill me later.
    Well, I made it home by the grace of God but still wonder if and when he will be returning to murder me because he knows where I live.
    Be careful of using any kind public transportation, I've never taken a taxi since…

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  13. google user Author

    My ex narc girlfriend told me she wanted to see other guys and still be friends  I told her no way and went no contact   She hoovered me in once   This time I made her so mad she says she hates me and never wants to speak to me ever again  She claims to have a (victim/supply)  Am I finally rid of her or will she try to hoover me again?  Havent heard from her in 3 months

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  14. Konjevod Ružica Author

    when i started reading about narcissism i realized that for the first time in 6 years everything makes sense.. even though it is hard it is such relief realizing that it was not my fault … and how predictable they are….. the narcissistic cycle have happen a million times during this 6 years and now finally i have my sanity back 🙂

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  15. John Orr Author

    I think about my troubles every single day and I just don't understand it. When the topic comes up, the response I get is: "Move on." or "Let it go." If I ask for help, I get the same response or I get: "I don't know how to help you." I also get "You have no rights." [I was an American Red Cross volunteer which is where my problem originates.] I never knew my supervisor even formed a clique at the office. I am at my wit's end. I'm not the only victim of my former supervisor. Also, thank you for sharing your knowledge.

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  16. Ursa Minor Author

    Having identified the patterns and realized the lifetime of instability I navigated I still cannot come to terms with the fact that it was intentional behavior on their part. I am empathetic to the point of knowing what went wrong in their childhood ( mother) and to feel her pain ( always did) but I always felt it was my responsibility to help her. I now know better but I cannot make peace with the fact she takes no responsibility for the abuse she inflicted upon me, considering she was a victim herself. But then again I suppose she is showing a complete lack of empathy and love for continuing the abuse to her own children and now pretending nothing happened. I guess I just answered my issue- though it's still incredibly difficult to believe she knew exactly what she was doing. I mean can't narcs be so damaged that they just behave this way thinking they are victims because of their survived abuse? They are so fragmented they can't put the pieces together and… I don't know.

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  17. Patrick Pepin Author

    I read the book and it has really helped me to make sense of what I experienced. Thankyou for all your hard work in helping people like myself get through this difficult time.

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  18. jeffifer junniper Author

    Accurate on every point. It's bizarre how every NPD has and exploits the same patterns. Stepping back helps, but can be so difficult because the NPD keeps you off balance and the mind spirals trying to make crazy logical.

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  19. Meechl Author

    I've read the book and it was a really good real. I read it after you recommended it in a previous video. It was amazing having that aha moment of clarity. I've been the victim of smear campaigns and going insane with grief thinking someone who claimed to love me was mentally torturing me and couldn't get my head around it until I got the clarity! I've recommended this book on forums and to friends. I've also coaxed my best friend into reading it, our lives were very similar but equally traumatic. Thank you for that recommendation it really helped me to root out the toxic people in my life. Another great video. X

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  20. jessxxy Author

    wtf…. you sound like you are describing my very recent depart from a long term on/off relationship with a narcissistic female partner. anyone that's been there knows it's all a complete headfuck don't they.. she quite successfully led me to believe that I was bat shit crazy in the end.. I even felt suicidal at one point… I bet not many fellas my size would admit that they allowed the so called love of your life to mentally beat you up on a regular basis… I went from a happy vibrant big hearted Leo to a virtual recluse living like a hermit… I've since learnt that I am an empathic co dependant as a result of having narc parents and siblings. you tend to stick with what you know once they've reminded you that you aren't worth anything but the time they give you when it suits them.. having been raised in the same hellish environment the narc is to presumptuous to acknowledge that you escaped that sad situation once before. do you know something people? I can't qenuinely remember the last time I felt appreciated, let alone wanted for just being myself.. is it really such a crime to just want to be loved for who you are..

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  21. Loving Life Author

    Could you share your knowledge about emeshment? Why do some adult children become emeshed with their parent, say a mother and truly becomes their parent. instead of breaking away they become a malignant narcissist just like their mother?

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  22. Rose Srphm Author

    Thank you for all your videos. It's so difficult because you do find yourself analyzing everything and wondering if they ever truly cared, or if it was all just a game. And you do analyze every incident. It's creepy–he was a creep–I had my red flags and I ignored them. I will get this book! Thank you!

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  23. Maturity is earned Author

    When I ignore the narcissistic couple who moved in next door it seems they want me to notice them and recognize them as superiors. They want me to Hoover them to tell me how they got to look the way they do, etc…when I go about my life they get nervous as hell, and they start jerking about their toddlers. It leaves me feeling confused more than honed in. I often take my glasses off so I don't see them.

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  24. Trianabfine Author

    I was in therapy in the late 80s for 2 years and described all these issues and did not get any of this information. The closest she ever got was describing his behavior as "the carrot and the stick". Never got any help or even understanding of what was happening to me. This info is a long time coming for me. BTW my moniker stands for "Trying to be fine". I believe you have helped me in getting there! Thank You!

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  25. ozzy oz' Author

    My daughter slammed a phone in my face when she was 15 she ran away telling everyone I beat her and took me to court..she is now 30 years old..she's still telling others the lie..its heartbreaking. .how do you put this past you when it continues?

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  26. Peter Petrovszki Author

    I really glad for your videos Meredith. In the same time, I'm totally disappointed, that crazy things like this happened with so many people in the world.
    Anyway hard to forget and focus for something else after a narc abuse, specially step through on the effects for the present and the future. I already don't think on small pieces of the real picture, the reality, but I just simply can't get out of my mind the questions like that: how would be my life, if the narc wouldn't have done it with me? Do I have really chance in the future to be mentally the same, how I was before the evil showed up? After the lost years and their damage am I even able to reach what I wanted, before them? Etc.,etc. I know there is no answer. But, just can't get out from my mind. Specially, now I know the narc, king complex devils are walking out there, and who knows when I meet with the next one… And that the sentence "You're responsible for your own life and decisions." lost a lot from the meaning.

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  27. Vito Parisifaggot Author

    JUST LEARNING ABOUT PATTERNS,TERMS,TRAUMA, OBSESSION WITH TRYING TO UNDERSTAND, TRYING TO BREAK DA DENIAL,RATIONALIZATION, SUPPRESSION, REPRESSION. (FLASHBACKS GET WORSE BEFORE BETTER RIGHT????

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  28. Vito Parisifaggot Author

    I am so attracted to u …I like to see your face,hear your voice,I have 2 heal… I get obsessed with your videos now… (Psychopath Free) book…on my list 2 read, The (crazymaking) mind fu.k was the most harmful shit…JUSTICE CAN BE HAD!!!! I DO & WILL HAVE JUSTICE! !!WITH SUPERLAWYERS!! (www.superlawyers.com)

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  29. Kool Aid Mom Pru Author

    What about if youve got that part down but you still feel obsessed with trying to show the narcissist what he's done and get him to be accountable?

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  30. JoJoZep ofthejungle Author

    once it makes sence you kinda feel sorry for them & you feel much better. Humans must have that predator fear that animals have, I know I do, my gut starts screaming at me to run, I had the screaming gut for the entire time I was with The Narc even when he was being"nice" but then again I am a powerful empath, now an educated powerful empath & when I see a narc male or female I expose it. I'm never afraid, they are normally afraid of me as they think I'm another narc at 1st then they can't work out what I am, poor basterds

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  31. winter day Author

    yesterday, since a long time of no contact, I saw and talked to my Narc mother and her codependent boyfriend again and we had lunch together (during which my whole body went completely cold – even though it was really hot outside, because I swallowed all my loath for her and "tried to" get along..) and we talked about "things we think when we are alone" and she said, mostly she does calculating – how long till she gets this how long till this (something she wants) happens, …. And later, when I couldn't sleep in my bed, I was, as you say obsessing about everything she said and hating every part of it. Whenenver I am alone and with myself, in fact, I re- and re- and reanalyze whatever has been said. I play it in my mind a 1000 times, considering all points from all perspectives, trying not to leave out anything, I DOUBT MYSELF, I DOUBT MY PERCEPTION, I ask "what if.." questions, I try to optimize things, so that, whenever a similar situation arises, I would act differently – BETTER.
    I am not as "free" as my Narc mother to just do simple math and "play" around in my head, thinking purely of things I WANT, not EVER thinking of all the damage I have caused.
    She, and I guess this is on purpose, takes EVERYTHING the wrong way, I have told her things (like don't enter my (old) room without permission, NOR TAKE ANYTHING OUT OF IT) for 2 decades now, OVER AND OVER, day for day, later week for week. STILL, we have THE SAME "problems" as we had when I was a child of 10 and she started to intrude my privacy.
    I got SO MAD, thinking how could a person, a MOTHER, who has responsibilities as such(!) not think ONE SECOND of the damage she has caused not one second of WHAT I AM TELLING HER FOR 20 YEARS NOW (and these are not SO many things, as they always repeat themselves), but rather play pointless "math games" whenever she is for herself and would have time to REFLECT and BETTER herself. How could ONE PERSON BE SO SELFISH????

    I couldn't sleep until the sun arose. I was so mad. I still am. These people are pure evil. I have thought about her behavior (as you say, obsession) for ages now and I can only explain this for myself as pure evil.

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  32. Pamela Bergner Author

    Meredith, yes, I am still questioning the …most recent narc…he is married and happy….it IS invisible. I will start reading my cy of Psychpath Free.

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  33. Kathryn Thomson Author

    Inner Integration, I got out of a bad relationship a couple months ago and I've been torturing myself ever since. I had scheduled an appointment with an old therapist but he was booked out so I had to wait. My thoughts got so bad and dark that I ended up talking to a lady on a crisis hotline and told her the whole story. She told me about gas lighting and narcissistic abuse and that that was the reason I was so messed up after the whole thing and that my reaction was completely normal. She instructed me to research narcissistic abuse until I could get into my therapist and talk to him about it. That's when I came across your videos. So far I have found a video of yours for almost every emotion and stage of this whole process that validates EXACTLY how I'm feeling. I can't thank you enough because it makes me feel less crazy and more hopeful and helps me to hold on as I work through this, so thank you.

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  34. Fireheart Lightning Author

    Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets :

    – Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke.
    – When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim.
    – Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not.
    – They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right.
    – Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical.
    – They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection.
    – Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target.
    – They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing).
    – They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!).
    – Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything.
    – Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help.
    – When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors.
    – Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them.
    – They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior.
    – They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer.
    – They think they are models to be followed.
    – They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief.

    Please share this message to other people and forums.

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  35. John H Author

    Thanks so much for the book suggestion! I'll tell you it's a better book for someone who has been abused by a man but the red flags are all the same. I've had the unfortunate circumstance of having had, in damn near sure, my oldest sister, at least two former "girl friends" and a few of my old friends who truly fit the bill.
    I wish there were a resource for narcissistic siblings because that's where the major damage has been done for me.

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  36. Sonet Landman Author

    i have a complete 2 month whatsapp conversation with a control freak. Do not know what label he fits but it is an unhealthy one. I can send it to you if you would like. Excellent example of everything you talk about.
    [email protected]

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  37. Cons and piracy Theories Author

    The speed of light in a vacuum is not the speed limit of the universe just to let folks know. That black holes actually spin faster then that.

    Reply
  38. Dare Gabner Author

    i saw how evil and sick this is. its worse than what we thought.. worse than war, ghettos. guess what your family alll wanted you to sufffer cry, many got paid. i got crumbs, sick shit. they hate having to act normal…basically never tolerate this shit ever. evil is not a serial killer, or this. its not mental illness. its fucked up. why idk doesn't matter

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  39. Lynn Marie Anderson Author

    I think BOTH of my parents are sick, when I was way younger I thought my mom was so much nicer, now I see how phony she is. And having had the terrible experience of having to go to a psyche ward, I would honestly say some of these psychiatrists and other people working there are just as hostile as some of the patients, there's definitely narcisstic abuse that goes on there.

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  40. Graceful Narcissist Abuse Survivor Author

    Thats how i feel. Its especially hurtful when i tried to explain the situation to my loved ones, i sounded petty…. where i really felt crazy. Thanks much for this video, its HUGE

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  41. NomadiCrafter Author

    I remember thinking after that one guy treated me that way, "Don't forget this, just remember what happened here, and don't allow it again". Then later I realized I was a codependent attracting narcissists and just un-empathetic people, and I began to learn, look at all of the patterns in my life, and began my codependent recovery. Now, I can usually recognize these difficult people and the overall pattern pretty early, and choose to not interact so I don't have to go through these experiences anymore.

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  42. Nobody Somebody Author

    True. True.True! We victims spend all night and day asking ourselves why. And what could we do or have done to prevent that abuse. We as normal rational human beings cannot understand or mentally comprehend why. It's just pure insanity on their part.? I use to think so. However, how could some one so intellegent do these things intentionally and then receive pleasure or fuel from seeing you go through a living hellish nightmare over and over? I'm not a church going or religious type man. But, I believe evil exist. And someone that intentionally decieves you from the beginning and though the whole relationship with constant lies, disappointments, hurts, indifference and neglect is an international deceiver. Not mentally ill. JUST on purpose. emotionally evil. If you look up the meaning of the word Devil you will find devil means deceiver. These so called narcissist are intellegent and purposely attempt to destroy you from the inside out. Then they move from victim to victim doing the same thing over and over intentionally! And with joy in doing so. They are nothing more or nothing less then the devils deciples. Put on earth to ruin people one person at a time. This is the answer to the why! And to the how come they don't change. You cannot change or reason with the devil! He may come wearing a priest robe just to deceive you. Then He will take you very life and soul. Wake up! And cast him out! Once you finally accept and understand this bottom line truth as I have you will understand narcissist is just a made up word to describe the deceiver. THE DEVIL!

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  43. Vandy Naleca Author

    Ya the big picture was – ‘no one is so important in this life that you get your self worth from them ever again’ – only Christ deserves that position 🙂

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  44. Theodore Mechnick Author

    I have very sharp street smarts and sit here and can't believe I was so naive. Her and I were I thought great friends and the way this ended makes no sense.Pulling it apart it held together when she had no money and I was loaning her money and taking her places she could not afford. Seemed to be ok. All of a sudden got a job and making good money now says going to pay me back. I agreed and now no contact. My mind can't get around this.
    Best I can figure is I was buying a friend.

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  45. captain caveman Author

    Wow it was like someone hit me with a big wet fish, then I got it, then I had to deal with it, I'm having all the c_ptsd symptoms like crying 24/7 and other things, the chronic loneliness, which hit me hard especially over the Christmas period after 22yrs of covert abuse I left 6wks before. nobody in the world has a clue what I'm on about, other than this small community of abuse victims and some the awesome people who put up videos like this to help survivors like us, thank you all its good to talk 🙂

    Reply
  46. Cool Water Author

    Thank you so much. I have listened to a number of your videos and find them so helpful😍. It's so great that you give real life examples. I think I will be much better prepared now with people generally as well as relationships. 🤞

    Reply
  47. Grace Wright Author

    You are so good at explaining this in such a different way/like so detailed. At some point in one of your videos you mentioned that and I did step back and remembered how stunned he was when I walked in the door, in disbelief this super "innocent" empath that just walked in. It things clear.

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  48. Lilly Smith Author

    Yes, there certainly comes a time in life when all flashbacks get their place in the typical cycle of the abuse.
    A time when the person you thought that was your ally and important one, turns out to be fully described in a characteristic-list of narc traits.
    And yes, they know.
    They always know.
    I neverr came to fully understand how life might be for a non-empathetic person, but it seems they always know what they are doing.
    Scary but so so valuable to know.
    Thank you so much!

    Reply

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