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This 1800s Love Story Is Full Of Your Favorite Actors | Mr. Malcolm’s List | Refinery29


The biggest catch of the season in the Year of Our Lord 1818, was the honorable Jeremy Malcolm. T’was true he had no title of his own, and was the youngest son of an Earl. But his maternal aunt had left him the bulk of a sizable fortune, and a large country house in Kent. Only the most ambitious of young ladies would overlook Mr. Malcolm in favor of the Marquis of Mumford, who was 50 and had no chin, just for the privilege of hearing herself called “My Lady.” For what woman would choose to be called My Lady, when she might enjoy the sole honor of being Malcolm’s Lady? But it was beginning to look as if no woman was to enjoy that inestimable privilege. Oh dear! I seem to have dropped my purse! I can get that. My thanks. No not at all, I know just how it is. I’m always dropping things myself. Goodbye Mr. Malcolm. Rather nice girl, that. A little clumsy to be sure… Cassie, she did it on purpose. Whatever for? It seems to be a favorite past time of the
season. Ladies are dropping their purses, their gloves, even themselves at my feet with monotonous regularity. Dastard behavior. Unless– is there a wager involved? I wouldn’t doubt it. I’ll put 50 pounds on you for the win. I’m honored, but I’m not sure I want to
collect the prize. Sorry, Old Boy. Just to be clear, what is the prize? Matrimony. Ah, yes. Petticoat rule. We all must succumb at some point. Propagation of the species and all that. Sorry, how did we get on this? I thought we were talking about gambling. We are. And I think I’ve found a way to hedge my
bets. There was one young lady who was sure she could capture Mr. Malcolm’s heart. Or if not his heart, his hand, which to her
was of far greater importance. Which headdress, Miss? I think… feathers. Excellent choice, Miss. Tighter. I do wonder why they make so many foreign
operas. We are in England, after all. Are you not a fan of Rossini, Miss Thistlewaite? Is he the short, stout man or the tall, long-haired fellow? He’s the composer. Oh, how silly of me. You must think me quite ignorant. Perhaps you’re better informed in other
matters. Tell me, what are your opinions on the corn laws? The corn laws? Let me think. Why, I believe I am for them, of course. Really? And why is that? Well, because, um… restraint in ones diet is bound to have a healthful effect. It’s a shame you’re not able to speak
on the Parliamentary floor. Your views would change the face of politics. Or its figure, at least. Mother, he’s yawning! He’s bored. Do you see? Stop it, stop it. We will discuss this later. I believe I saw you with Mr. Malcolm at the Opera last week, did I not, Miss Thistlewaite? I cannot recall. I have more than one gentleman caller. Do you? I had not noticed. I have noticed that Mr. Malcolm doesn’t
appear to be calling. But then, he’s so fastidious some say he
will never choose a wife. My Lucy enjoyed his attentions once. But unfortunately, it all came to naught. He gave up his seat for me. I nearly swooned. So, Miss Thistlewaite, you must not feel too
bad you’ve failed to capture his notice. I don’t know what you mean! I feel perfectly fine. Of course you do. But, you’ve been out in society now for,
what, four seasons? It may be time to think about stepping aside
and letting the younger ladies have their chance. Poor Julia. Praised and pampered her entire life, she
knew not how to cope with such a humiliating rejection. Particularly, when she discovered… He has this list, you see, and unfortunately
you did not meet the fourth qualification. I would’ve failed it myself. He has a list of requirements for a bride? Yes. And I must say I did not care for the idea
myself, but then when he explained it to me I– The unmitigated gaul! What conceit! Julia. Julia, please! My dear Selina, as you’ll soon be leaving
bath I hoped you’d come visit me in London for what is left of the season. I promise you will be well entertained. Apparently she’s from the country. Oh, do be quiet. Posture. Welcome, Miss. Little did I know that I was to be Julia’s
instrument of revenge and that one day I would be well acquainted with Mr. Malcolm’s List. Move on.

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